Blog Posts

The Other Life

After my golf addiction was under control, the next addiction became writing. I’d be lying on my back on the greasy tiles of some greasy kitchen, and I’d be reaching into some onion flavored reach-in cooler trying to replace some sharp, metal part and not being able to start the screw because the space was too tight, so I’d be lying there and reaching in and cutting my hand and bleeding all over the inside of the cooler and swearing

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It Follows Movie Review

To set up most horror films, you’ll usually have some normal family that lives in a normal house and they have a normal dog and they’re in the middle of their normal lives and it’s a sunny day and all the colors are extra bright and everything’s normal. Too normal. That’s the path that takes us to the edge of the dark woods, right? We allow ourselves to be hypnotized by the normalcy of everything, to buy into the idea

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Return to Me

I keep having this idea that by writing, I’m trying to search for divinity. But of course I can’t do it on my own. The divinity needs to meet me halfway. So I can gain access to that great, arching trove of twinkling prose. And then I go write a few sentences like the above ones and I realize how ridiculous the whole enterprise is. And how pompous I am to think a divinity, who has never once said a

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The Music Game

We play a game. We call it the music game. I look up a song online and play it. Then Deb looks up a song and plays it. And then I look up a song and play it. It sounds like a dumb game. But it’s not. It breaks you away from the music you’d normally listen to. It requires you to give up control of where you thought you wanted to go. There is, however, a question of scoring.

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Same River Twice (with apologies to Mr. Offutt)

Heraclitus was right. Nothing remains still. If we want change, we will not be disappointed because it will come. It’s coming now. I quit my job after my father died. And a funny thing happened to time. It slowed down and shifted and opened up in the middle. It didn’t fit into a grid the way it had for so long, starting with kindergarten. I no longer distinguished weekdays from weekends. Straight time from overtime. Street clothes from work clothes.

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Another Bohemian Rhapsody

Deb’s lying on the couch, shivering beneath the big down comforter I’ve thrown over her. “I know I have a fever,” she says. I feel her forehead with the back of my hand, the way we used to do with the kids. But sometimes my hands aren’t the best thermometers and I move my cheek down to her forehead. “You don’t have a fever,” I say. “I do!” she says. “I do have a fever! I’m freezing!” “No you don’t.

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Deflate Gate: Ignorance and Apathy

Having spent the first twenty-nine years of my life in New England, I’m a Patriots fan. There are those who want Tom Brady’s head on a stake because he under-inflated his football. This has been the lead news story across the nation for the past week. Bill Belichick had a news conference in which he said he didn’t know anything about it. And then, later the same day, Tom Brady had a press conference in which he said he didn’t

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Five Things I Hate about Porn and Why I Hate Myself for Loving it

“So what have you been doing all day?” “What do you mean?” “What do you mean what do I mean?” “Nothing,” I say. “I’m a big freaking loser.” “No you’re not!” says Deb. “You’re not a loser!” “Yes I am.” “Did you write?” “Yes.” “Then you’re not a loser! You wrote! Now, if you were online gambling all day and watching porn, then you’d be a loser.” I stare off through the window into the backyard, trying to strike the

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The Toad Is Not a Metaphor

It sucks working at the library because if you need to take a piss you gotta walk outside and all the way around to the front door and then through the stacks to the back in order to get to the men’s room. So it’s lucky there’s a floor drain in the mechanical room. Still, I do worry about the cameras. Everyone has cameras now. But when you gotta piss, cameras don’t worry you too much. You justify yourself as

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